Let Me Tell You About Your Father
by manyissues101
Summary: --Pre, During, and Post KH2-- And, once, Kairi thought that maybe she could have loved him.


"Will you tell me what my parents were like? Really like, none of this secret stuff you've been telling me all these years. I really, really want to know, Kairi."

Kairi had known that, sooner or later, she would have to answer this question. The sharp young woman before her was forever questioning, wondering, the essence of her father. She didn't look much like him, but every part of that girl made Kairi's heart ache, made her long for her best friend back.

"Well, Blair, I never met your mother. Riku told me that she died--that was when I met you--but that's about it."

Blair was silent, even though she already knew that. She could tell that Kairi was just warming up for the tough stuff.

"But she must have been pretty," Kairi offered, "because you look just like her."

This Kairi knew from sight alone; Blair's golden-red curls and chocolate brown eyes would mislead anyone searching for her father, whom she looked nothing like.

"And my father?"

Kairi closed her eyes. If she'd ever been dreading any part of taking in this little girl, it was this conversation.

"Well...he was my best friend. And once, I think that I could have even loved him."

0----0

She knew, instantly, that these boys would be her best friends. Two boys who asked where she was from, and how she'd gotten there, and why she'd come. When she recounted her tale of forgetfulness, Riku only nodded, as if she'd confirmed one of his inner thoughts. Then he asked an onslaught of questions, none of which she could answer, and didn't seem disappointed when she couldn't tell him, almost as if he'd asked for the sake of asking. Sora just grinned and began to ramble about islands and caves and swords and if she wanted to join...and she really, really did.

Kairi couldn't, though she'd spent a lot of time with them, together and apart, figure out which one she liked more. It wasn't the kind of thing she'd normally think about, but at school they asked who her _best _friend was, and she hadn't been able to answer. Sora was sweet, easygoing, and fun; Riku was good at _everything_ and he _got _her. But apparently they'd been thinking about being her best friend for a longer time now, for soon it caused a lot of fights between the two. Nothing serious, on the outside, but Kairi could almost see an inner flame beginning that scared her. But, as time went on, she thought maybe it was forgotten...

They were older now, hitting their peaks of independence and self-discovery. Not that the boys needed to discover anything, Sora was still carefree and Riku was still so sure. But Kairi wasn't sure of who she was or what it meant. She couldn't fight, she couldn't sew, she couldn't build, or forget her worries, or keep herself in such an easy control...in fact, the only thing she seemed to be good at was being around her friends. Riku and Sora, who made breathing easier than before, who made her heart click into pieces. The problem? Her emotions; she battled them every second, as she thought about Sora and she thought about Riku and she thought about who she loved and who loved her and about breathing. She loved Sora because he was Sora, but she loved Riku because he loved her. It was a tough decision, and not one to be taken too lightly, for whoever she didn't choose...

Kairi didn't like to think about that.

0----0

She didn't appreciate that the universe had made her mind up for her. Now she and Sora were connected, a part of one another's puzzle, joined at the heart like the best of siamese twin/friends. All of this was happening, against her will, while Riku was drifting in and out of the background, condemning himself for one last chance at her. That's when she knew. She wanted to marry Sora, to kiss him, to love him. But she wanted to hug Riku without a word and never let him go, because best friends means never having to give a reason. She wanted Sora but she needed Riku, and, despite her fears, the rules seemed to fall into place. All she needed was him.

0----0

Riku told her that he'd transformed to save Sora, and Kairi knew that she'd made the right decision. Riku was a friend, though and though, and better suited as such. Kairi did hug him, even though it wasn't him in such a weird, frightening way, and when she closed her eyes she felt him there.

"Aren't you going to ask anything else?" Riku, because that's who he was, mused. Kairi, eyes clenched shut, shook her head.

"You're still you. That's all there is to it." She explained to him that when she let go of her sight she could see him, in her heart, and so she kept her eyes closed and her hand in his for as long as she could.

"Did they hurt you, Kairi?"

She shook her head against _his_ chest. "No. But...I'm afraid that they're going to hurt Sora. They said...they said they were using me to get to him."

"I know. But Sora can take care of himself, he's in the castle already, actually. You can see him soon, when the immediate danger passes."

"I can take care of myself too!"

"I know." She could hear the smile in his voice.

"You'll stay with us, right? Forever, this time?"

Kairi frowned when she heard him falter. She didn't much care for that.

"I won't face him like this. I _told_ Namine not to say anything, but all that girl does is meddle..." he grumbled.

"You know her? Namine?"

"Yeah. If I told you what I've been up to, you wouldn't believe me."

Kairi was surprised at how easily the silence flowed between them. She didn't have to break it, but she did anyway."

"Riku?"

"Hm?"

"You're my very best friend. I just thought you should know."

0----0

Kairi noticed his expression as he stood in the doorway, one arm stretched awkwardly behind him.

"Riku, what are you hiding?" she asked wearily. She had no idea what he could possibly bring home from a mission that would worry him so, but it scared her.

"About four years ago, I made a really, really, big mistake, Kairi. Just listen before you say anything, okay?" He looked down behind him. "C'mon, Blair."

From behind him came a little girl, her flower petal curls bouncing. She soaked everything in with musing chocolate eyes, and while she was holding Riku's hand, she wasn't clutching it in fear.

Kairi's jaw muscles disobeyed her, and must have set the record for closet to the floor.

"Riku, please, please tell me that you found that girl on the side of a road somewhere."

"Her mother died, and if I hadn't taken her she _would _have ended up on the side of some road.

"You can't--"

"I know."

"You don't know how to--"

"I know."

"You're always--"

"I know."

Kairi put her hand to her mouth for a minute, rocking gently from side to side. "What's her name?" she asked, quietly.

"Blair. Her mother named her. I didn't...I didn't even know until about a year ago."

Kairi knelt down to her level. "Hi Blair. I'm Kairi."

Blair smiled at her. "Hi."

"And how old are you?"

"Four." She held out four fingers, as if to prove it.

Kairi smiled back, trying to regain control over her facial muscles. "Are you hungry, Blair?"

She paused. "A little."

The kneeling woman glanced up at Riku, who was looking down at his daughter. Then she turned her attention back to the girl. "Well, hold on a second, and I'll make you lunch." Kairi stood and motioned for Blair to follow. She confidently let go of Riku's hand and skipped forward. Riku followed, still talking.

"Sora already knows."

Kairi whipped around, her hands on her hips. "You told him first?"

Riku shrugged. "He was closer. But he hasn't met her yet."

"And her mother?"

"No. He never met her mother." Riku looked around the kitchen for a moment. "Where's Carly?"

"Napping in her room. Do you have a room for Blair?"

"I will as soon as I get it cleaned up."

Kairi began preparing a sandwich. "You don't have any food for her."

"I will when I take her shopping with me."

Silently, she carried the paper plate and put it in front of the young girl, who poked at it before beginning to eat.

"I love you, Riku, and the fact that you're willing to take responsibility for her, but can you handle it?"

"I have to; she doesn't have anyone else. And I was hoping that you would help."

She couldn't help but crack a smile. "And if I say no?"

"You won't." He was smiling back at her.

"Okay, now go get a decent room arranged for her while she eats. I'll get groceries and see if I can find some extra stuff of Carly's. Make sure she has a bed."

Riku nodded, still half smiling. "Thanks Kairi."

"Of course. I wouldn't want you to starve her to death."

"I wouldn't do that."

"Not intentionally."

Riku, hesitantly, said goodbye to his daughter, and Kairi, and left.

0----0

"You're really just annoying."

"Am not!" Blair was six now, pouting on the sand next to her father, who was teasing her affectionately. She stuck close to him when she could, and was always doing things that reminded the others that she really was his daughter.

Carly, a year younger than Blair, swatted a handful of sand in the older girl's direction, laughing at her too. The families were sitting on the beach of _their _islet, Riku discussing with Blair how long he'd have to be gone on his latest assignment.

"As I was saying, I'll be gone no longer than a week. You can handle that, right?"

"A week is a _very_ long time to me," she stated matter-of-factly.

"You'll get over it. You'll be having so much fun at their house that you won't even remember I'm gone." He gently nudged Carly with his leg and smiled up at his standing daughter.

"Can I stay by myself?"

Riku smiled. "No. Not yet."

"How many years?"

"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."

"One?"

"No."

"Two?"

"Aim a little higher, Blair."

"Five?"

"Not yet."

"Seven?"

"Ten. Try ten."

"So when I'm....sixteen?"

"Yes. When you're sixteen, you can stay by yourself."

Kairi watched their banter with a worry crawling up her windpipe. She could hear something in Riku's voice, a fear, a sadness, _something_. Something in the way he smiled at her, longingly, apologetically.

Kairi watched Riku watching Blair, who was oblivious to the fact that while she played with Carly, her father was fighting back tears.

0----0

"Are you going to tell her?" Sora's voice was hushed, barely audible to Kairi, who was leaning her head against the doorway, hidden in the shadows.

"I don't know. It could just be nothing, and I don't want to worry her. Besides, if Kairi knew, then would she really let me go?"

"I guess not. And what about Blair?"

"I love her. But I have no choice. She's not too old to be lied to, just think up a good story, okay?"

Kairi pressed her forehead to the wood, trying to figure out what her husband and best friend were taking to cryptically about. What Riku abandoning his daughter? No, Sora would never stand for that. So what was going on?

She walked into the living room and watched them quickly break up their conversation.

"What are you two whispering, badly, about?"

Sora and Riku exchanged another glance, they'd been doing it all day, and it was driving her crazy.

"What is it? Sora? Riku?" She prompted, looking between the two of them, their downfallen expressions worrying her.

"Kairi," Riku spoke up, "if I don't come back will you take care of Blair?"

"Why?" Her eyes narrowed.

"Just promise me."

"I promise. Now tell me what's going on!"

"Kairi...I don't think I'll _be_ coming back."

"B-but...you...you...I...you have to!" She stomped her foot as her voice broke and her retinas burned, misting, until she couldn't see anything and she wobbled, suddenly weak. She didn't want to let him pull her into his arms, she wanted to be angry, but soon she was sobbing and ranting and he couldn't go because it was Riku _and she just couldn't lose him again_.

"Just tell them no, Riku! You can't do this!"

"I have to, Kairi. I'm really sorry."

"Don't apologize to me! You can't leave Blair, Riku, you _can't_! She needs you!" She took a ragged breath. "I need you. Please don't...don't leave me."

"I love her. And you. But that doesn't change anything. I'm sorry. But staying isn't an option."

She felt Riku kiss her cheek and let her go. What happened after that she wasn't sure, for cries monopolized her memories, and she could only remember this feeling she got, like someone had knocked all the breath out of her one morning when she went to check on the kids, and _knowing_ that he'd never be back.

0----0

"So...what happened to him?" Blair asked, voice flat. She'd learned a lot of the secrets carefully kept from her, including the things about her father that Kairi wished she hadn't had to tell. Things she wished hadn't happened to tell.

"I don't know. But he would have come back, I know he would have, if he could. He didn't want you to grow up without him."

It was the eve of Blair's sixteenth birthday. She was now, in all rights, a woman and, in her father's eyes, old enough to be left alone.

Kairi, eyes dripping from having to narrate the story, wondered what would have happened if she'd loved him.

0-FIN-0

One of my riskier works. I don't have a mother for Blair, nor am I planning to make her a repeat character, so don't ask. I wrote this in study hall...ages ago, really, last semester in my favorite blue pen that has now been sent on to ink heaven. One of the first weeks of school, because I have math notes from chapter one scrawled on the side...I wonder what my teacher thought when I showed her those?

Anyway, I don't have much else to say about this, possibly because I'm starving and typed this up to the tune of my stomach growling. But nothing else really needs to be said, so there you go.

Cheerio!

Is that how you spell it...? I'm not British...


End file.
